A Letter to the Lords of Social Media

A letter the the Lords of Social Media

My Lord, 

Will you please take pity on me, your lowly servant, and help me to regain my social standing. You see, my only desire in this world is to be liked by people I barely know and many I have never met. I’m not even sure they are real people after all, but their approval drives me and has complete control over how I feel about myself. At the moment my followers are displeased with me and I need to fix it. 

You see, Lord, with so much going on I just got confused. Celebrating and mourning Kobe Bryant was easy. I nailed it; claiming that I was a fan and how much I would miss him. In all honesty, I never saw a single Laker game. I didn’t know what his number was (let alone that he had two)  until I saw others posting it, but I quickly did the same so that I too could join in the social sorrow that washed across the bandwidth. 

Then Covid-19 hit and once again it looked like the popular thing to do was to support the stay at home order and mask wearing. I purchased a mask and quickly posted pictures of me wearing it. It was super cute, and I must say I looked adorable with it on. I posted with all the popular hashtags and added pictures of me an appropriate distance from my bestie. Again, if I’m being honest, I spent plenty of time with my friends and didn’t abide by the stay at home order much. But I know it was more important for others to believe I was, so that they could do the right thing. Everything was going great. My likes were high and the comments helped me feel good about who I am. Then George Floyd was killed. 

At first it was easy. Those cops shouldn’t have killed him. It was obviously excessive. I posted along with everyone else and immediately got back to posting “Black Lives Matter” as I did when other black men were killed. I was getting all the right attention I wanted. But then things changed. 

When the rioting started the tide shifted. Plenty of people were posting support of the protests and even riots and against police brutality and so was I. Then someone criticized me on one of my posts and questioned whether I supported the police and reminded me that they are heroes risking their lives every day. They were right! I have a couple of cousins who are cops and my brother-in-law is a cop. I wasn’t being sensitive to them. So I posted about how I support police as well and that “blue lives matter.” That’s when things got really bad. 

That post received a ton of comments about how I’m insensitive and even racist! ME? RACIST? NEVER! I was posting that black lives matter! How could I be racist? So I tried to explain that I support BLM and also the police, but no one believed me! They said I have to pick a side. They started calling me fake! Fake? Never! I kept trying to explain, but I kept getting more comments that were ugly and called me names. I was getting so upset. My likes were way down. I was feeling physically sick. People were even unfollowing me! It was like all of a sudden I was unlovable or something. I just don’t get it. 

So please, Lords of Social Media, please help me. How can I stay popular? How can I show everyone that I respect and support everyone so everyone will continue to like me? What can I post that everyone will like? What position do I need to have? What do I need to say? 

I need them to like me again. I need them to help me feel good about me. I don’t know how to function without their positive comments and the likes. Please help me, Lords. 

Desperate in Social Media

Your loyal servant