Poem: Experiencing Death

A Poem I wrote in High School. Appropriate for this day.

I am but a young man.

     I am but a young man.

I don’t want to die.

     I don’t want to die.

I will go to school for escape.

     I will face the Death.

I want the Country to help me.

     I want to help the Country.

I go away to learn at school.

     I go away to live in Death.


School is so stressful.

     Death is terrifying.

I know I can make it.

     I don’t think I will survive.

I fear nothing at all.

     I fear for my very life.

I curse the Country.

     I fight for the Country.

I read about the Death.

     I live the Death.

I don’t think there is really a Death.

     I cannot escape the Death.

I will never die.

     The Death will swallow me.


I drink with friends in happiness.

     I drink alone to forget.

I am completely healthy.

     I am numb with pain.

I am full of life.

     The Death took my life.

I know everything.

     Nobody knows anything.

My whole life is ahead of me.

     My life was left behind.

Here’s to life.

     Here’s to Death.

I am a great man.

     I am a dead man.


Thank You for Following!

Thank you everyone for following my blog. I just surpassed 300 followers!!! It’s been in a transition from mostly fiction writing and poems to more motivational and life coaching as I begin a new adventure and I’m thankful for everyone who’s been along for the journey supporting me. This week I plan to upgrade from a free blog to a paid site so there are more changes to come but it’s really been a blessing in my life to be able to share and post and get support and feedback here. Much love! Cheers!

What’s Holding You Back

What’s holding you back?

    We all have limiting belief in our lives that are holding us back from greatness. They are going to be very different depending on your own experience and life to this point but we have to get them out of the way so we can grow. So how do we find them?

    They’re easy enough to find if we take a step back and look closely. What are the areas that you are not happy with? There may be several, and there probably should be if you are really interested in long term growth, but find one to start. It could be relationships, or work. Maybe you’re not happy with finances or maybe you hate the neighborhood or home you live in. It can be something relational or something tangible, but we all typically have areas that we want to improve in.

    Take your time. Write them down. Now, you probably have one that jumps out at you. We typically have something causing us more stress than everything else and that issue is probably one we are not very successful in and there is probably a strong belief there that is creating a problem, but there are more. Journaling is a great way to identify the areas you want to improve but even just talking to close and trusted friends or family may also help, but beware, they may have contributed to the belief that is holding you back. Sometimes even those who love us and want what’s best for us give us terrible advice or help us build awful beliefs that hold us back.

    Don’t tell me you don’t have any area with a limiting belief either. You know one I see all the time? “I’m not good at math.” I hate this one. I don’t even teach math but I get so frustrated because so many students and adults believe this. But it’s ridiculous. You aren’t bad at math. You don’t practice it, and you have a limiting belief about math. Let me prove this to you with a fantastic metaphor.

    Math is not the easiest subject we teach kids. Other things seem to come somewhat easier and many subjects are information based (social science, life science) and not skills based like math or English Language Arts (writing essays as such). So guess which subjects students tend to think they aren’t good at? The skills based subjects. But we don’t apply the understanding we have regarding skills in other areas to school.

    Almost everyone can walk and do some basic physical activity. In the same way, we all have some basic ability to problem solve and do some logical reasoning. Before you disagree, if you can count and do some basic addition then you too have some ability in math. But even though we can all walk and perform some physical tasks, it doesn’t mean we are all olympic athletes. We don’t all run marathons. But few of us go around saying, “I’m not good at running.” We mostly acknowledge that we just hate running; that we choose not to run but that if we really wanted to, we could get better at running and even have some level of success running. Don’t challenge me on this before looking on facebook and seeing all the people on there completing 5Ks, running and getting fit. You can do it too if you wanted. I saw a video of a man with cerebral-palsy lifting 200 pounds. Make excuses if you like but you’re only hurting yourself.

    The point is this, we say “I’m not good at math,” but what we really mean is that we have never put in the time and practice to master the skills necessary to be good at it. If we put more effort in, we would have better results.

    This is the same with anything in our lives. We have things we haven’t been successful in, but that doesn’t mean we just aren’t good at them. We can all be more successful with improved effort and by eliminating limiting beliefs.

An easy one for me was relationships. I was married 13 years and was miserable at the end of it and got out. I took a step back to try to find what I was doing wrong. There’s the key too, don’t try to blame your lack of success on something external or someone else, find what you can do better. Believe me, there were plenty of things I could have done better in that relationship. So bear with me as I take you through the process with myself as an example.  

Poem: Love like the Wind


You remind me of the wind

I open a door and you rush in

Then twirl around for just a bit

Before leaving again in a fit

You fan the flames of my desire

Then extinguish the burning fire

Impossible to catch or hold

Will you stay before I’m old?

I’ve always been a fan of yours

And often found one to adore

Yet you’ve not found me worthy

Of giving me any security

No, you continue to play your games

Ever causing me deeper pains

When all I want is to sit and rest

And I do not mean to be a pest

But I will continue to chase you more

And I will ever leave open my door

So you know you’re always welcome

Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day

I’ll be honest, this is probably the first year I don’t have any relationship or crush to celebrate for the first time in nearly 20 years. So, I get to pour out my heart to you all instead so…winning.

Valentine’s day has been under attack a bit lately, like so many lovable holidays. I admit, I’m triggered easily into an emotional rant but I am legitimately and consistently annoyed by people attacking holidays. Kids aren’t allowed to dress up for Halloween at their schools any more and it seems like trick or treating has become especially lame. Thanksgiving has been under fire and now celebrating it might earn you being called a supporter of genocide. Christmas has been attacked for being too commercial. If you want to celebrate the 4th of July (Independence Day) you might be called a racist or some nonsense. You get the point.

Valentine’s Day obviously is under attack for also being too commercial and for celebrating love when there are millions of lonely people out there. Now, that doesn’t bother me, even though I’m single. Why not celebrate love? It’s as amazing as it is devastating when it is lost.

I was saddened when my 14 year old daughter was already expressing super negative opinions about the holiday. How tragic! Where is the hopeless love and romantic notions I thought we all had when we were kids? How can she be so young and already so negative about love? It’s horrible and I was sad about it.

So I’m going to celebrate love! Even if it hasn’t been good to me, I still value it. Love is amazing!!! There’s no feeling like it even comparable. Remember how you felt when you were just staring at a person and you could barely express how you felt but if you thought about it, you knew in that moment that there wasn’t anything you wouldn’t do for that person? Remember thinking that you two would be together forever and that the feeling you had would never end? Remember going to bed thinking about them and then waking up thinking about them? It’s fantastic!

So today, I celebrate love! To those of you who are in love, may it never end and may your love always be honored and protected. To those who are currently without a love to call your own, I wish you find a person who will love you like no other and hold you like they will never let you go. To love! Cheers!

Wiping Away a Tear

A few year ago I got a dog. If I’m willing to relive my childhood pains, and I for sure always am, I must admit that I did not have good luck with pets growing up. That isn’t to say I didn’t have many of them; I grew up on a farm and there were a lot of dogs and cats to go with livestock. Still, animals that were designated as mine, or ones I picked personally, didn’t fare well. I lost two cats both named Mittens to our savage dalmatian. I got a puppy the same time my sister did and for some reason, Coco wasn’t allowed to stay and my parents got rid of her. Then for a birthday one year my parents let me pick out a new puppy, but then got rid of Taffy because the other dogs didn’t like her. My mom got me a new cat literally two months before I left for Army Basic Combat Training. It’s been difficult.

I for sure had a couple pets that survived and that I enjoyed but it seemed the ones I picked were doomed and only random ones ever made it. That’s until recently.

Nearly three years ago, my kids were bugging me about all of the dogs available at my mother-in-law’s house because she forever has a surplus of dogs around there who need homes. When I went to pick up my oldest child one time, she held up a dog named “Little Guy.” He looked like an oversized long-haired dachshund.

Confession: I’ve always wanted a dachshund. My grandparents were German immigrants and they always had dachshunds and german shepherds when I was growing up. I wanted a dachsie in the classic red color and I was going to name him Manfred von Richthofen, or “The Red Baron.” Yeah, I’m super nerdy.

Now, “Little Guy” wasn’t short-haired, or red, but was the classic black and tan color that Germans seem to love as most dogs from there seem to come with that pattern (Rottweilers, Dobermans, Dachshunds). He was however, adorable! I loved him immediately! And we took him home that day!

I’m totally in love with this dog. He was a little underfed when I got him, probably because he’s literally the most timid dog I’ve ever seen. I’m not sure who had him before or what they did to him, but he is terrified of everything and will pee on himself when he gets scared, which is constantly. Occasionally he acts tough but that’s always with the door locked and no one actually confronting him. He’s terrible at being a dog.

I renamed him Bilbo Baggins which totally suits him because he’s super lazy, does nothing all day, doesn’t do real dog things like play, but will cuddle endlessly. In fact, cuddling is all he’s really good at it and he does it non-stop.

Now he is totally spoiled. I carry him around with me, let him go with me in the car and even sit on my lap while I drive. He sits on the couch with me all the time and he’s always in some blankets or in his dog bed. The only thing I won’t tolerate is him sleeping in my bed. Otherwise he’s pampered to the max.

Bilbo is a very happy dog and only whines or complains when he feels he’s not getting enough attention. He gets massive amounts of attention. The kids adore him, especially my youngest, and they little boys are constantly holding him or laying with him. It’s Bilbo heaven here.

In spite of all the joy in his life, in spite of the comfort, the love, the endless food and protection from actual weather, his eye tears constantly.

No matter how much I love him, his body remembers the pain and the abandonment. I wipe it all the time but his eye still tears. It’s as if the wounds from his past will never be completely healed.

I don’t care though, and if anything, I’m glad because it reminds us both that he was hurt once but now he’s loved and I will forever be here to wipe away his tear.

If only we had someone to do the same for each of us.

Poem: Dada

Being a dad is absolutely my favorite thing, but there are times is exhausting

Dadda! Dadda! Dadda!

Why do they call me so incessantly?

Can’t they see?

How tired I be

And how I need

to rest

Dadda! Dadda! Dadda!

Sometimes it’s so difficult

To endure all their calls

For cups

For snacks

For anything

Dadda! Dadda! Dadda!

God I love them but sometimes

I just need them to mind

And not call me every minute

Especially when I’m on the toilet

Leave me be

Dadda! Dadda! Dadda!

I know that I’ll survive

But sometimes I have to strive

Not to just run away and hide

Or wish I weren’t alive

I need some rest

Poem: No Longer

I lay in bed, empty beside me

Though alone, I’m finally free

The fire no longer burns

My heart no longer yearns

The pain no longer screams

No more betrayals in my dreams

In peace and quiet I slumber

No more thirst no more hunger

My appetite is satisfied

Without you by my side

Ever stealing from my spirit

Then in my face you’d spit

No longer do I suffer

In joy I close my eyes and slumber

With you no longer in my bed

With you no longer in my head