I thought it would be Different

I thought it would be different

That we would be content

And no longer would we resent

When we said I do

I figured we’d be better

Happier than ever

Always together

When we said I do

I thought you’d no longer

Say hurtful things in anger

And burn us like a fire

When you said I do

I thought it would end

The constant breaks to mend

No more rules you bend

When you said I do

I hoped you’d be devoted

My heart you gently hold it

I would be your chosen

When you said I do

I thought we’d be together

In love with one another

Now and forever

When we said I do

But you never wanted

My love you squandered

My heart you sundered

Till I said I can’t

Korn Somebody, Someone

I love strong lyrics in songs. Been listening to this and letting the anger flow just like in my youth. Feels great. The lyrics are poetry, filled with hurt and pain.

I can’t stand to let you win

I’m just watching you

And I don’t know what to do

Feeling like a fool inside

Feeling all the love you hide

Thought you were my friend

Seems it never ends

I need somebody, someone

Can somebody help me?

All I need is some pain

Not just for me

Giving you with this and that

Giving gave nothing back

It’s all related to

All the things I do

Feeling like a fool inside

Seeing all the things you tried

I am nothing

I need somebody, someone

Can somebody help me?

All I need is some pain

Not just for me

I look, I sign

I need someone

Inside to help me out

With what

I’m trying

I’m crying

I’m frying

In a pile of

Shit

I’m dying

I’m dying

I’m dying

I need somebody, someone, somebody, somebody, someone

I need somebody, someone, somebody, somebody, someone

Someone

Songwriters: Brian Welch / David Randall Silveria / James Christian Shaffer / Jonathan Howsman Davis / Reginald Arvizu

Somebody Someone lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG Rights Management US, LLC

Poem: Whole Again

Born into the abyss.

Used to the crisis.

Made to carry burdens.

And hide them with curtains.

To cover the abuse.

While still being used.

Crawled from the hole.

With living well the goal.

But left something inside.

Couldn’t continue if I tried.

So dove back down deep.

Redemption is what I seek.

I dwelled there in pure pain.

Knowing in the end I would gain.

What I lost as a young boy.

When abuse stole my joy.

Grown now I could save.

A young me from the cave.

In order to be whole again.

And atone for ancestors’ sin.

But now there is nothing more.

It is time to leave, close the door.

I’m too strong to take it.

Too healthy for more shit.

If you need me I’ll be here.

With no more pain, no more fear.

In order to be whole again.

Escaping the Abyss (Part 1)

As a way to process a bunch of BS, I thought I would try to write a fable like story. It might be a bit choppy and unrefined but I’m not worried about that. I’m trying to redeem experiences and hurt. Here’s the first part…

One day there was a young boy happy and healthy playing in the woods. The boy often played in the woods. He loved to pretend he was a knight protecting the innocent and fighting monsters. He loved to watch the animals of the forest and to feed them bits of bread or nuts. He was a boy filled with kindness, hope and love. His name was Nanku.

Nanku was playing when a woman found him in the woods. The woman was blond and young and had a soft voice that was warm to Nanku’s heart.

“Hello little boy,” the woman called, “what are you doing here in the woods all alone?”

Nanku looked up at the woman and smiled, “Oh, I’m just playing in the woods.”

“But it isn’t safe out here alone. You could get hurt.”

“No one has ever hurt me out here. The animals are nice. The woods feel safe.”

“Oh no! These woods are not safe at all. People could hurt you. Animals could hurt you. You can’t stay here by yourself. You should come with me.”

“But why? I feel fine here playing in the woods. No one has ever hurt me before.”

“But you have no idea how much danger you are in. You need to come with m. What’s your name?”

“I’m Nanku.”

“Nanku? What a funny name that is. Come with me,” the woman stated as she reached out and grabbed Nanku’s hand and began to pull him from the woods where he was safe and happy. “You may call me Mother and you will be happy with me now.”

Nanku looked back to the woods and a tear formed in his eye and ran down his face. He would never return to the peaceful woods where he could be happy and play. He was being taken to the Abyss.

Poem: I loved you

I loved you,

When I first met you.

I loved you,

Our first night together.

I loved you,

On our first romantic trip.

I loved you,

When we laughed and joked.

I loved you,

When we were together.

I loved you,

When we were apart.

I loved you,

When we broke up.

I loved you,

When you called me names.

I loved you,

When you hurt me so.

I loved you,

When you hit me.

I loved you,

When you mocked me.

I loved you,

When you tried again.

I loved you,

When we got back together.

I loved you,

When you wanted to marry.

I loved you,

When you lied to me.

I loved you,

When you cheated.

I loved you,

When you made accusations.

I loved you,

When you left.

I loved you,

When you came home drunk.

I loved you,

When you treated me like dirt.

I loved you,

When my heart broke at last.

Now, I cannot love you.

I gave it all. You took it all. You spit in my face.

I loved you no longer.

Poem: Nothing left

My heart

Ripped to shreds

By words you said

Now our love is dead

My spirit

Beaten and bruised

Feeling so used

The result of abuse

My body

Weary and weak

Becoming deplete

It’s food I seek

Nothing left

You’ve taken it all

The cause of my fall

Now I am your thrall

Mercy please

I cannot continue

To endlessly serve you

I need to begin anew

Free me

Unchain these bonds

My freedom is gone

From all that was done