Sinking Ship

Last week, the Green Tide at last left the lizard folk liar with a pair of representatives in search of an alliance against the evil Sahaugin. Gentle travels were interrupted by a ship floating aimlessly on the sea. 

The brave goblins boarded her in hopes of salvaging the battered Emperor of Seas and when they climbed aboard they found a gastly scene of blood, gore and even a foot in a boot with no pair to match. While pink goblin sought the lonely foot’s mate, the goblins encountered a number of disfigured sea zombies. They battled them bravely and sometimes not-so-bravely but were backed into a corner before slaying the last of them. 

But where have these aquatic zombies come from? Are there more aboard the ship? Can the Emperor be salvaged? Find out this week on, adventures of the Green Tide!

DM Notes: Goblins of Salt Marsh

I had not DMed for years in any real way. I missed it. Being the master of a story that the players bring to life is so rewarding for me. While it cuts into my writing time a bit I love creating fantastic worlds for the players to adventure in and engaging conflicts for them to resolve.

In November I took up the Ghosts of Salt Marsh adventure for my group. For any who don’t know, it’s an adventure for dungeons and dragons which is made up of a collection of adventures from earlier editions. It has a bit of a pirate vibe to it and I leaned all the way into that. So did the party!

The group has honestly been creating ever more interesting characters and even working on whole party themes. My favorite to date was a group of unemployed circus performers who went by the name “The Perilous Performers” and had an entire dramatic introduction that we executed for new NPCs we met. It was a blast.

This time the group decided they would all make goblins, except my son who made a gnome. I placed them under the (forced) employ of a small time smuggler and soon enough they found themselves free of his employ and instead working for a councilman with a secret identity. With that the adventure had begun!

The goblin each had a color assigned to them by their former master that was vaguely representative of their class. The enraged barbarian is red goblin. The sorcerer is blue goblin. The monk is pink goblin. Of course, the gnome which they regard as their brother as well, either by choice or ignorance, is white goblin. Not your typical party, to be sure.

The adventures they’ve undertaken so far have been super fun. They don’t fight is quite the same way a more traditional party might and they certainly don’t role play in the same way as a typical party does. They have aspirations of pirating their own ship and I look forward to that dream being fulfilled.

Until then, I look forward to every Monday seeing the “Green Tide” sail the seas.

Perilous Performers Introduction

From our D&D adventures. So much fun…

Good evening ladies gentlemen and creatures of all shapes and sizes, tonight you are in for the entertainment event of your entire existence. The perilous performers bring an exhibition second to none. Known throughout waterdeep and all of the sword coast, we are brewers, brawlers and shot callers. 

I am Justin Timberlake the MC for tonight’s extravaganza. I will stimulate your senses with music, song and dance till they drop your pants and wash you in romance. All are satisfied when this show they’ve spied, I guarantee. Without further ado it’s time to meet the crew. 

First up, he’s small, he’s quick, he wields a whip. First you see him then you don’t. Catch him if you can? But we all know you won’t. Hold on to your purses and your hearts, he’s Garrett Luckyfoot! 

Up next, he’s a little tea pot short and stout, he’ll pray for you then knock you out. He may break shields but never an oath. The only thing he loves more than beer is his beard. He’s Kor the Shieldbreaker!

Next up is our strongman. There is none like him. They say he was born with hair on his chest and I wouldn’t jest. His legs as round as trees, arms hang down to his knees, and his skull as thick as you please, all fall before him as he tears off their limbs. He is Za-thor the Basher! 

Last but certainly not least. He is pound for pound the mightiest creature to wander the land. Even if he looks like he’s sitting when he stands. He’ll crush you with stones then reanimate your bones. He has more power in his little finger than in any other wizard. Here he is…

Behold the Gnomecromancer! 

(Illusions, lights, sounds, huge, finish….jazz hands) 

Playing a Barbarian D&D 5E

Sidharth Chaturvedi - Barbarian.png

I finally broke out of my favorite characters and created a barbarian. I usually tend towards the support characters because the role playing aspect of the game is my favorite and I don’t actually care much for how much damage my character can do or treasure items he finds. I love when my bard “Justin Timberlake” woos a hostile cult member into leaving her fanatical faith to travel and adventure with me though. Or playing a cleric and ever greeting characters in game by asking them if they’ve “heard the good news.” These things bring me great joy. So a barbarian is not in my wheel house, but I found a way.

I need to own my character and the quirky nature he has in order to get fully immersed into the game. So I made a barbarian named “Leny” who loves animals, wants to “live off the fat of the land” and calls everyone “George.” It has been an absolute blast. As you may have guessed if you ever had to read “Of Mice and Men,” Leny is not bright but is exceptionally strong and has a bit of an anger management problem when provoked or scared. He also is pretty good at smashing bad guys, but that’s not why I love him.

I love playing Leny because he is so much fun! He literally spends time trying to pet any animal he comes across. This has worked out very well so far. Upon meeting a super hostile Tressym, he rolled a critical on his animal handling and the pet has not left his side since. Leny managed to teach it a couple of commands and the flying cat lead us to an exceptionally dangerous beast in our last session. Very helpful. And when a hostile group landed near us on giant vultures, Leny again rolled a critical for animal handling and pet the carrion eaters baffling the would be adversaries and eventually they left without conflict.

For any who don’t care about how many pets their character can gather let me explain why else he is amazing. When raging the barbarian only suffers half damage on physical attacks. This is extremely worthwhile because the barbarian tends to get hit. I took the path of the “Totem Warrior” and decided that a bear is Leny’s spirit animal so now he takes half damage for any attack that isn’t psychic. This literally saved Leny’s bacon multiple times. Nearly every encounter in fact and as a result he has an every growing necklace of beast incisors.

Overall a solid class to play and it has been refreshing to be able to dive into the middle of the action while also enjoying the fun role playing aspect.

Cheers, may all your rolls be criticals.Tressym.jpg

Bump in the Night

Bump in the night
Bump in the night
What things go bump in the night?
What things fill us with fright?
Go bump in the night?

The zombie shuffles, stumbles, stomps
He hungers for flesh, his jaw chomps
He’ll tear off your warm flesh in clomps
Feast on you till your hear no longer pumps

Bump in the night
Bump in the night
What things go bump in the night?
What things fill us with fright?
Go bump in the night?

The spider spies and crawls, stalking
He’s very patient in darkness waiting
You’re nearing now, eight eyes see you walking
He can nearly taste your blood he’s wanting

Bump in the night
Bump in the night
What things go bump in the night?
What things fill us with fright?
Go bump in the night?

A pack of wolves in the darkness howl
Shivers run your spine as they growl
Razor sharp teeth hidden by snarling jowls
They hunt you in dark, ambitions foul

Bump in the night
Bump in the night
What things go bump in the night?
What things fill us with fright?
Go bump in the night?

The vampire the most frightening of all
Your blood speaks to them, they answer its call
Creep carefully and silently down the hall
Or on your neck their fangs will fall

Bump in the night
Bump in the night
What things go bump in the night?
What things fill us with fright?
Go bump in the night?

See you tonight!

Into the dark you must go

The water rushes deeper into the mountain with a roar that makes it difficult to think let alone hear. Through the mountain, Arsenal commanded, to reunite with lost kin. Kin that no one is sure still exist and have not heard from in generations. What fools errand has he sent you on? Into the dark you must go. You survived orcs only to find a young dragon guarding the river. And a witch. Was she in league with the beast? She didn’t warn you after all, but she is your only hope for not getting lost in the deep dark of the mountain. With tons of rock separating you from the sky it is a comfortable place for a dwarf except that you do not know what beasts lurk beyond. The river will take you, the witch suggested, but take you where? Into the dark the water plunges. Into the dark you must go.

The caves welcome you like the jaws of a wolf welcome fresh meat into the creature’s belly. Instincts warn you that there is nothing friendly beyond. You hear and see nothing except the rush of the river and the darkness which covers the evils that hide among the shadows. Into the dark you must go. How far will the river take you? How deep does it plunge? What is waiting at the end? You cannot know. The witch mutters that she too doesn’t know. Do you trust her? Into the dark you must go.

Your armor and weapons are damp and dripping, the air is heavy. It is likely to be heavier below and it may indeed choke you yet into the dark you must go. You know from legends and stories that digging too deep into the earth only reveals unpleasant foes and sometimes savage beasts but you cannot waver. The piece of hammer you carry to your kin must reach the other side. The hope of Konigsberg and indeed the entire Battlefate clan rests with you. Fail and they will be doomed. Succeed in finding your kin and the tide may yet be turned. Into the dark you must go. May Moradin bless you and keep you. Into the dark you must go.

A change is over taking Konigsberg

Intro to last night’s game:

A change is over taking Konigsberg. The city used to bustle and sing, full of joy and love. Darkness and fog swallowed it and now there is fear and chaos. Many of the inhabitants fled. They could only ignore the hoards of goblins gathering for a siege outside of the city for so long. The fires of their camps and the sound of their drums tended to grip the heart and squeeze until a body’s head hurt and breath was short. Some cracked and ran. In their place others have arrived. With so much attention on the eastern wall the western has been neglected. A collection of thieves, bandits, thugs, mercenaries and slavers have slipped into the city undetected replacing the peaceful citizens and creating a tension that builds like water beyond a dam. A town can only handle so many nefarious types before it breaks. 
Meanwhile your focus has been on gathering a force significant enough to challenge the goblins and then the giants who have taken over the mines and the great hall in the mountain, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. If only there were more dwarves. The humans and barbarians are all good warriors but they do not match up as well and seem as motivated as the dwarves who fight for their home, their race and their lives. You know the attack will come. Will Konigsberg be ready? Will you be ready?

Another Epic Poem

So there were a couple characters that I wrote epics for in a previous game. Here’s the one for Vladimir:

Epic of Vladimir the Executioner

In a world so full of haunting nightmares

Where babies cry out, screaming in the dark

And women sob, clutching their dresses tight

And even men cower and hide in fear

Evil lurks and snarls in every shadow

Ever threatening with violence and death

It seems no one is safe from evil

As it forever creeps across the lands

Devouring people and towns alike

Destroying any that stand in its way


Some however stand against the evil

Paladins of light standing tall and proud

Claiming to bring love, peace prosperity

They are champions of all that is good

Widely loved and revered for their strength, faith

In their presence maidens grow weak and faint

Young lads aspire to one day join them

And men salute their heroic efforts

They are the pride of a people afraid

But all of them are weak and pitiful


There is one who is stronger than others

Who has no weakness, no fear and no love

At least not for the pitiful masses

And their pathetic champions of Torm

For they worship and follow out of fear

Instead of worshiping the source of fear

But he worships evil and tyranny

The one who will dominate the masses

His god is the evil Asmodeus

Vladimir is his executioner


Unwavering in his faith toward his god

He too stands tall and proud, full of strength

Swinging his mighty axe with spite, vengeance

He dominates all that stand in his way

Taking no prisoners, all unworthy

He needs no friends with his god as his lord

He is dark as night and just as scary

He holds his axe as though he holds death itself

And lets it fall on those who are not strong

Each blow bringing him closer to control


Vladimir is champion of his god

Asmodeus seeks to dominate all

To bring all the world under his control

Through any evil means necessary

He’s the evil god of domination

Who will control the world in tyranny

The world deserves no better fate than this

Mindless ignorant sheep, pitiful folk

Will all bow to the might and greed of he

Huddled masses needing their god to live


Vlad brings the bad news of the coming fall

A knight of evil he delivers death

To those who would rebel against his god

They fall before his terrifying might

His vice is much stronger than their virtue

And his body a temple to evil

Day and night preaching death and destruction

Heralding the coming domination

Sowing the seeds for the fall of the world

Making straight the path for Asmodeus


He is the evil executioner

His axe lops off the head of any foe

From splitting in half unworthy ogres

To felling like a tree a thief empire

To enjoying the screams of Palor’s whores

As his paladin and cleric collapse

Under the might of his murderous axe

Crying to a god too weak to save them

The last sounds they heard were evil laughter

From the mouth of their executioner


No creature or being stands against him

He has hacked apart monsters of sewers

Laid waste to the animated undead

Gone toe to toe with angels of the sun

Murdered dozens of thieves and assassins

Stood against flying wyverns from above

Resisted the call of deadly harpies

And fought against the gaze of medusas

He’s even exterminated spiders

All will fall at his cursed feet unworthy







He has no need for friends or flattery

His axe and his faith are his companions

He is the nightmare that keeps your kids up

The chill that runs your spine and shakes your bones

The dread that grips your heart and squeezes it

The figure that woman fear in the dark

The man that makes others feel miniscule

Meeting his gaze means feeling all your shame

Knowing that you are pitiful and weak

Not worthy to speak his name nor his god’s


Know that he is out there coming for you

Intolerant of weakness and meekness

Baring the standard of Asmodeus

He will bring the world under his control

Make it submit and rule in tyranny

Hacking down any that stand in his way

With his mighty axe he’ll remove your head

Leaving behind him a trail of carnage

His evil prophecies cannot be stopped

He’s Vladimir the Executioner