A new writing game I’m playing for my own enjoyment, cursing and toasting silly things. Enjoy.

Curse you, you brainless buffoon for creating the bane of everyone’s inbox. 

What manner of demon enjoys inflicting such torment on simple people who merely desire to work in peace without endless alerts to yet another “reply all” to the boss wishing Becky Happy Birthday? 

May you never find an important email for the remainder of your wretched days.

May your boss email you about a promotion but you miss it in the flood of emails and remain stuck in your position.

May your spouse grow weary of waiting for you to advance and leave you for a middle manager with a bad comb over and a beer belly.

May you miss your exes’ text message that says she wants to get back together because of the endless “reply all” notifications that litter your phone.

May you take to drinking cinnamon whisky out of stress and may the whisky give you bad breath and worse gas so that you never get a second date all because you decided to create “reply all.” 

May you never find another email and may you ever search in vain.